I have always been a late adopter of each new social media platform.

Starting with Myspace, then Facebook, then Instagram and Snapchat. I would join after the newness had worn off for everyone else. I had Twitter for a moment. Never came around to joining TikTok.

I’m not sure why I was always late for the party. I think I have always had some hesitation in doing things just because everyone else is doing them. Or maybe my resistance to change is the better answer.

Yet, I still struggle with doomscrolling and the addictive nature of it all.

I have halfheartedly attempted many times over the years to come up with solutions. Deleting my accounts, deactivating them, you name it. All just to come back to the status quo. Likely due to the fear of missing out.

The issues with social media are true of the internet in general now. I can spend an entire afternoon switching between different news sites until my brain turns to mush and I forget where I am.

In comes Cal Newport – have I mentioned him before? If you are not sick of me talking about him yet, then I apologize in advance, because you will be eventually. I stumbled across his podcast Deep Questions and eventually his books on the intersection of attention and technology.

I have come to realize that the missing piece to reclaiming my attention is to replace my social media and internet habits with analog habits.

In his book Digital Minimalism and elsewhere, Cal Newport prescribes a 30-day digital declutter to get perspective on your relationship with technology. The declutter has three steps.

First, take a 30-day break from all optional technology. During your break, purposefully explore real life, analog activities that you find meaningful. Finally, at the end of your break, determine which technologies you are going to let back into your life and how you will use them to serve your values.

This could not have come at a better time for me, as the fear of missing out has largely dissipated now that my values have shifted from those of a single man to those of a married father. Your circle becomes smaller and the things you value clearer.

Here is a summary of how my experience went.

First, I had to decide my definition of optional technology. Cal suggests any tool, application, service, or website that you can eliminate without major harm or disruption to your daily professional or personal life. For example, I decided I could eliminate news sites, LinkedIn, and Instagram, which were my biggest sources of distraction. I also created a set of rules for other technologies that I could not eliminate, like work email. For these, my rule was that I could only use them during designated times, no more than twice a day.

With my digital declutter rules laid out, my 30-day break began. My goal was to replace any newfound down time that I had with reading, writing, thinking, physical activity, and connection with friends and family. These activities all kept me in the real world and were connected to one of my core values as a husband and dad, attorney, and runner.

I also implemented several other ideas to help limit distractions from technology. I deleted from my phone every social media app or app that makes money by holding my attention. There was one exception to this, Snapchat, since it is my main source of connection with my wife and son when I am away from them. I kept my phone on do not disturb by default, only allowing text and phone call notifications from my family in case of emergency. I kept my phone “land lined” at all times – set on the kitchen counter at home and on my bookshelf at work.

Digital Minimalism has many suggested analog practices that helped guide my efforts along the way as well.

The first is to spend time alone. I already did many of the suggestions here by going on runs without my phone and journaling. Another was to not hit “like.” This suggestion is all about “conversation-centric communication,” which was a very helpful way of thinking about the relationship with my phone. This approach has you use text messages to set up real world conversation and hold phone call office hours. And finally, spend your time doing high-quality leisure. This means spending your free time doing active leisure over passive consumption, producing tangible things through craft, and participating in structured social activity. This last one is the most difficult for me, as I tend to find comfort in analog activities that can be done alone – like running, reading, writing. I want to take the plunge into clubs that involve those same activities – run club, book club, a club for dads, for example.

At the end of the 30 days, I sat down and wrote my digital minimalist operating procedures. Starting this blog is one such practice I have implemented to get back to old school socializing. I decided I could live without modern social media, in fact, I accomplished more and was happier during my time away from it. I will still check my less-smart smart phone two times a day, along with email, and be purposeful about my use. I will only check the news once a week (I paid for a print subscription to The New Yorker).

I now read more, write more, think more, and go about my day with more intention.

I did not perfectly adhere to my rules during the declutter and know that it will not be possible going forward. But it’s not about perfection. I’d like to think of them as a strict set of rules but not unyielding. All a part of my information diet. Will I instinctively pick up my phone to check my fantasy football team sometimes? I think so. Just like I will reach for junk food on occasion. In the end, if I am using technology intentionally to serve my values, it’s a win.

Otherwise, you can find me reading, writing, and checking in on friends instead of checking in on my phone.